I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
