I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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