i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
