Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
