apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
