Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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