really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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