So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
