I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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