I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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