drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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