6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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