I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
