the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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