I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize