I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
