This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
