chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
