My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
