fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
