so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
