my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
