i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
