I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize