that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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