I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
