omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want a musical about memes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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