I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize