well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
