The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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