I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
