As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
