omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
