but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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