Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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