so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There are leaves in my underwear?
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