i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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