Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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