I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
