well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
