i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
