I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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