You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
