Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm both gender and math confused
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
