so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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