the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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