she was so not down for the gang bang
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we made out on top of his cat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Randomize
