is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
