i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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