im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
