his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
