My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
