Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
