It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I supernannyed him into submission
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
