remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
