I smell stomach acid.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
