Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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