I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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