I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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