There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
