My hand turned me down
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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